Upon much consideration, we at the Barnyard think we may have identified a problem with the way the Conservatives of the world pitch our position on the illegal/criminal alien debate. We focus much on the illegality of those sneaking across our border. We try to speak reason to the unreasonable about giving driver's licenses to people who are not supposed to be here in the first place. I think one thing we may be leaving out is a comment on the quality of the so-called immigrant.

Perhaps the reason for this is our judgment of the sneak-in is so automatic, so ingrained, so obvious, that we do not even realize it has been made. Immigrants, the ones who stay, will be joining our society. They will become one of us, eventually. Their children will most certainly, in every way, be American. Most every club or organization in this country has specific rules and qualifications for membership, the Nation as a whole should be no different. Do we really want someone who could not wait his turn in line joining us? Do we really want the father and mother of an anchor baby raising that child to one day vote for the leader of the free world?

Last night, as a birthday treat for some family members we went to one of those Japanese themed restaurants where they cook in front of you. As we chatted with the cook, his accent made it clear he was from elsewhere so I asked where and how long he had been in the States. Then I asked, “how do you like it here?” In broken English with wide eyes and a genuine smile he said he loved it here. Then he said that nothing warmed his heart so much as to hear his children speak English without an accent.

There are two kinds of immigrants to the United States. Some choose to come for economic reasons, some flee oppression, but all fall into two distinct categories. The first comes to join. They seek to better themselves and the U.S. at the same time. It might just be through serving Americanized Japanese cuisine at a restaurant but they do the best they can. These immigrants come to build up America, to help us create. They to love what we love and hate what we hate. They cheer with us; they mourn with us; they fight with us; they die with us.

The second kind of immigrant sees the U.S. as a huge teat at which to suckle. Some stay and suck their life long; some make their money and return. They clean out our hospital emergency rooms until the hospitals shut down. They steal our social security numbers and mooch off our welfare state. They draw and draw and draw and only deposit what is necessary to get by.

The former made this nation into the shinning example to the world that it is. The later will kill it. In some way we everyone descend from immigrants like those first ones. In every way, we must fight against the second kind.

I am here willing to say that America is the best nation on the planet and to those of you willing to keep it that way: Y'all come. But to those that are tearing down our borders just to tear down what is inside them, we need to start looking at this in a more historical way. That is before we become history ourselves.

So, according to the news, Starbucks is under fire for selling unhealthy food. The Center for Science in the Public Interest has drawn a bead on everyone's favorite coffee house because, for instance, a large (it's a LARGE dangit) coffee has more calories than a Big Mac. How ironic.

The Center for Science in the Public Interest is a bunch of crack-pot pseudo-intellectuals that serve up junk science in order to rid the world of junk food. Its all in the name of the Liberal Utopian dream of controlling what everybody else in the world does, thinks, believes or, now, eats. But who is this they are picking on? Is this Conservative poster company Wal-Mart? Is this the oil companies or cookie manufacturers? No, it's Starbucks, a company practically synonymous with the Liberal movement.

The crowd in Starbucks is usually made up of the kinda folks the Rooster crosses the street to avoid. (A little Barnyard humor there.) The Birkenstock crowd, the ones who perpetually need a hair cut and would be wearing tie-dyed tee-shirts if they could find any. They'll be reading the New York Slimes sipping their Vendi Granda Frappo-mocco-moussa... bah, it's coffee – surffing on the wi-fi and acting like they are better than the rest of the world because they have a job that will let them pay $16.95 for a cup of coffee.

Or there's the high school chick crowd that shows up there. The “oh-my-gosh” bunch that knows nothing of the world beyond Elle, Seventeen magazine. These guys are looking down on the rest of the world because they got Dad's credit card to pay for something that sounds more exotic than the Jack Daniels the rest of the kids are sneaking off with.

And now it turns out it might just be more dangerous than the Jack. Here all this time we thought Starbucks was was culturing this image to pull in people it wanted, people it liked. We thought Starbucks was backing the movement toward “Let it be, let it be...”

And now we find out, Starbucks has been trying to kill 'em.

For the first time, my dear flock, the very first time, the Rooster is saddened he does not own stock in this company.

I'll drink to that.

Cars(Official) (IMDB)

Directed by John Lasseter, Produced by Pixar, Published by Walt Disney

The Swan and I had little knowledge of the movie Cars going into the theater. In fact, the trailers had left us both feeling a little cold toward the movie and both of us were contemplating going to see Over the Hedge instead. As we were getting into the truck to leave, Swan commented on this lack of knowledge. My reply was that I trusted Pixar. That trust was verified.

Cars is awesome.

The storyline closely paralleled that of Doc Hollywood (staring Michael J. Fox) except with better acting. A superstar racecar (for those of you really far behind, the cars talk and there are no humans) gets abandoned / lost in a small rural town and has to spend a week in “Hillbilly Hell”. Humor and a heartwarming tale, of course, ensue. There's an “of course” in there, because the story is, at its base, formulaic. But it is done so well!

Half the fun of the movie is decoding all the puns they have built into the feature. From references to real Nascar drivers to a recreation of Monument Valley with car shaped features to bugs that are little Volkswagen's with wings, cleverness in design is everywhere. The Pixar boys did their homework too. They visited sites along Route 66 (the setting of the story) and recreated them. They also were aware that Stock Cars do not have head lights or a horn. That impressed me.

What the Swan and I were really impressed with was how much fun we had – watching a clean movie. Fair warning, I am about to deliver to you the most risque line of the entire movie. The “Winston cup” is punned into the “Piston Cup”. At one point the main character says “He's a three time Piston Cup winner!” Larry the Cable guy's character replies, “He did what in his cup?” That's it folks; that's the worst of the movie. As much as I liked Shrek, Eddie Murphy cussing in it has always left a bad taste in my mouth. Pixar, however, kept this to a completely “G” movie and contrary to most of Hollywood's thoughts on a G movie, it was extremely fun to watch.

Not only was the movie clean, but there were actually positive themes presented. A healthy dose of be-nice-to-others was followed up by a helping of keep-your-promises. Finishing off was a little if-your-going-to-do-a-job-do-it-right. Compare that to Hoot where kids were taught parents are idiots and rules only apply when you want them to. Or compare it to the Eastern Mystism that is severed up each Saturday with the morning cartoons. Cars was a refreshing break from those kinds of “entertainment”.

There is a certain scene, about halfway through the movie, that was of particular notice to us here at the Barnyard. I'll try not to spoil it, but lets just say it involves cow tipping. This was the first of several times the Swan elbowed me and said “Your parents have got to see this movie!”

All around, we give Pixar's Cars two primary feathers up!

I am not old enough to remember the days of Ronald Reagen's Presidency, unfortunately. Ah to those would have been good times. When the President was not just the leader of the free world or of some hack political party, but was indeed the leader of a full-fledged political movement. Our moderate-in-chief has done a fairly good job of being President. Heck, he gets a 50% positive rating just by the fact that I'm still alive. He's got two very good nominees on the Cannabis Court, finished up what we started in Desert Storm and cut taxes. Who-Ah! However, when Mr. Bush goes to trying to court the conservative votes that got him in office, I do wish he'd read the Constitution.

Conservatives, the non-thinking kind, have jumped on the band wagon for this constitutional amendment against fagot marriage. Leaders the nation over are calling it the only way traditional marriage¹ can be protected. Mr. Bush has said again and again that we have a run-away judiciary and that the only way to keep them in check is to create a constitutional amendment that the judges cannot overrule. Reality begs to differ. As we have said before, here in the Barnyard, the Constitution is not the place to legislate.

First off, there's nothing stopping the members of the Cannabis Court from overruling an amendment of the constitution; they did it with McCain-Feingold. The so-called Campaign Finance Reform Act limits constitutionally protected free speech 60 days out from an election, but the Cannabis Court found it perfectly in-line with our Constitution. More importantly, however, the Constitution does give us very specific ways to deal with the outlaw judiciary.

The President can nominate better people to serve on the courts than those currently there. This he has done, but Mr. Bush has not acted as the leader of his party and got the bafoons in the Senate to get their act together and pass these judges through.

If the members of the Congress were really as upset at this problem as they pretend to be, they have all sorts of control over the Judicial branch. For one thing, Congress funds the judges. The black robe types can make all the pretenses they want about being independent, fair, balanced and unswayed by outside forces. But as the movie says, money talks and... err, other stuff walks. Congress also sets the make up of the courts. The Ninth Circus Court of Appeals is huge compared to the other circuits, It needs to be split up just in terms of logistics, not just the fact they members are insane.

Of course, Congress also holds the ultimate trump card against Judges that wish to usurp Congress' proper role of creating legislation: impeachment. We have already made the argument several times here at the Barnyard that Ruth Bader-Ginsburg has earned herself a trip off the court. The Constitution provides a very specific role for each of the branches of government, including the Judicial. If falling outside those specific bounds – and ergo violating the Constitution – does not constitute a “high crime[s] or misdemeanor[s]” what in the world would?

Bush's supposition that the only way to hold back the radical judiciary is a fallacy of logic. The fallacy has a specific name, but we cannot print it here. Let's just say it has something to do with the Barnyard's cow and a shovel.

1note: We consider “traditional marriage” to be redundant, but one must differentiate.

We here at the Barnyard are pleased to make the announcement of a new sponsor. Joining us here at the Stalls of Truth is North Utopian Enterprises, specifically with their new product “Dry Water^®.” “Dry Water^®” is bottled in the far north hills at the head waters for the Anydrus river. “Dry Water^®” is all natural, produced from clear mountain springs.

To make the occasion of a new sponsor, we thought we should have a sit down interview with the man behind the curtain. Joining us here today is Mr. Hythloday, President and CEO of North Utopian Enterprises.

• Barnyard: Good morning Mr. Hythloday
• Hythloday: Good Morning. Thank you for having me.
• BY: This is a very interesting product you have developed here. Can you tell us where the idea came from?
• H: Truth be told we didn't invent it. Dry Water^® has been around for a while in a niche market for those with gland problems and the like. We are expanding it into a larger market. And actually our inspiration was popular culture. We keep hearing in the news about “Gay Marriage” and thought it was just really neat how they were taking something old and familiar – marriage – and re-defining it to something totally new and fresh.
• BY: So you thought you could follow up on that idea.
• H: Exactly, we looked for something that could be changed from its current, well known from, into something the exact opposite and we stumbled across the concept of Dry Water®.
• BY: And what about the risk of finding a wider market for Dry Water^®
• H: Well, this is where timing just fit perfectly. When we stumbled across this product we thought, “Well, they've got to have something to drink at the weddings for these so-called 'marriages'”
• BY: I guess that's right. Did you have any technical problems as you began production.
• H: (laughs) Actually shipping was our biggest problem. The plastic bottles are so light after they have been filled it created a unique set of problems getting the product to the public.
• BY: Where do you see North Utopian Enterprises headed in the future.
• H: That is a good question. We are wanting to continue to pull our inspiration from popular culture. Grandstanding politicians could lead to a line of talking dolls. We are exploring lots of options.
• BY: Nothing more in the frame work of “Dry Water^®” - of making something the oposite of what it always has been?
• H: We are looking into the marketability of a protestant pope. With so many people defending this “gay marriage” thing from the Bible, or using the Bible to say we shouldn't have the death penalty or go to war – things that cannot be justified from the Bible – we think their might be a market for a church leader that is in “protest.”
• BY: Hence a protestant pope.
• H: We are still doing our market research on that one.
• BY: Well, where ever North Utopian Enterprises goes from here, we're looking forward to having you on as an advertising partner. Thank you for joining us today.
• H: We are looking forward to being on board with you and thanks for having me.

Dry Water^®, the Anydrus River photo and the “Empty Bottle^® Logo” are all registered trade marks of North Utopian Enterprises.

Any government school graduates that did not follow the puns contained in this piece should go here for further explanation.

Ok, so my art work's not the best. I'm doing a better job than the moron's we've got elected to office though.

*Always thought I could get more in fewer words than most. Besides, my drawing's not that good...

For Those of you trying to get a grip on the difference between the two party's stance on the Criminal Alien situation, I thought I might help clarify things. The following holds true at least for the people who vote for the parties. the RNC might waffle a bit away from their voting bloc.

DMZ = DeMilitarized Zone

The Democrat Party's plan

The RNC's plan

I promised you photos of the big Graduation event, here are a few. More may be found at this site

(click on pics for larger images.)

We wanted to get a picture in front of the Vet school. Turned out a bunch of fellow students did as well.

You have to throw these right? Isn't it a law or something?

Friends

And Faimly

Then of course, there was the main event. The recieving of the Hood and walking across that stage with everybody whooping and hollaring.

Did I mention just how proud I am of her?

I have to give a very special, great big, huge "thank you" to my good friend, Christian Brother, great American and all around nice guy Gerald Cook for allowing me to use is nice, fancy, expensive camera (with the telephoto lens).

Anybody noticed what is missing in all this hoop-la surrounding the criminal alien debate? It is America. I keep hearing how the Criminal Aliens coming up from Mexico are helping our economy. I hear how they are desperate needy people we should help. I hear that there is nothing we can do, too many are already here. I hear that we should not tick them off, because they will be the next voting block. I hear lots of things, but I hear nothing about America.

A bill has been introduced to make English (or at least the American version thereof) the official language of the nation. Good, we should do that, but I believe we have already lost the meaning of many of the words in our language. Lets go over a few that are pertinent to this debate.

• Foreign - “Ain't from 'round here”, Strange, Alien.

• Nationals – Belonging to a specific nation.

• Sovereign – This is the big one, I'll even go to Webster for this one “one that exercises supreme authority within a limited sphere”

Paired together, the first two form a phrase that means a person belongs to another country and does not belong to this one. If the U.S. were a biological organism these would be the things not identified as “self” and the National Guard White Blood Cells would be sent after them. This being a “Sovereign nation” is why they would be sent. Where we are getting ourselves into trouble in looking at our Southern border is that we seemed to have completely lost the concept of “Us” and “Them”

The wetbacks climbing out of the Grand River are not migrant workers. You know who is? The Rooster. Born and raised in Alabama, I migrated to Georgia to get a job. Being that those two states are both part of the same nation, it was a legal move. Within the requisite period of time I declared myself a resident of the new state and changed my driver's license and whatever else was appropriate. The wetbacks are Foreign Nationals invading our Sovereign soil. All else is irrelevant; they came here by violating our law, only being kicked out will rectify this situation.

Suppose I were out on my farm, and I found a trespasser. Then, when the Sheriff arrived, instead of carting the guy away he said, “Now, Mr. Rooster, what we're gonna do is teach this guy the specific lingo you use here on the farm, and we're going to make him pay a fine and then we're going to make him go to the back of the line in getting a job here on your farm. But we're not going to take him away.” How exactly would that little scenario play? First thing I'd do is shoot the Sheriff. That is the situation we have here; these people have trespassed on our land. They have invaded our territory. We keep hearing that we cannot send all of the Criminal Aliens back for dozens of reasons. I care not the least for the excuses we are given, the goal we should set for ourselves is to remove the trespassers.

This is the nation that invented rock-and-roll; we put a man on the moon, invented the atom bomb and the Internet and dug a ditch across the entire continent. The only thing stopping us from doing anything we put our mind to is putting our mind to it. Now here we have a legitimate reason this removal process will fail: we'll never get the populace of the nation to work up the nerve to get it done. Back to my original point, we have lost our sense of nationality. We no longer teach our children basic civics. The national concept of “self” has been abandoned. My fear is that letting the Mexicans run over us is only the first symptom of this larger problem. If we don't get a grip on this now, God help us.